MY S"PP"EECH IMPEDIMENT

Dear Reader,

Mwaramutse/Mwiriwe/Muraho,

Speech Impediment 

/ɪmˈpɛdɪm(ə)nt/ : 

A hindrance or obstruction in doing something.

A defect in a person's speech, such as a lisp or stammer.

kudedemanga/ kugingimira; kutavuga urambuye amagambo neza

I can't explain or remember when it all started, my stuttering. I just remember noticing it especially when I was still in school, during classes. I wasn't the most extroverted person growing up too; I had my first friends in 5th grade and it was a long time coming, we would spend break and lunch hours in Tr. Harold's art room, a lot of painting, singing and living in our own little world. Before that, I didn't really have friends, I was the 'big girl' who was weird and quiet. I listened to lots of music and did a lot of painting and that's when I would really express myself, it helped me a lot, it was sort of a voice for me.

I remember when I was younger my aunt telling me "Vuga" to just SPEAK, SAY IT and PUSH THE WORDS OUT, like it was deliberate. There was a lot of verbal and emotional abuse growing up. I remember my stuttering getting worse once I got into secondary school, it was when I really wanted to fit in, doing a lot of extracurricular activities, listening to trendy music and wanting so badly to engage in conversation. I still felt like I couldn't relate to anyone, I also felt and still do feel overwhelmed with crowds, I suddenly have less opinions and less to say. Not to mention, God forbid! "Umukobwa udedemanga se ubwo n'inde uzamurongora? "... Will a girl with a stutter ever get married? 

A time that stood out the most with my speech impediment was when the first time I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, I felt really helpless. I got very bad, heavy chest pain one day, my cousin was right in the room and I couldn't get the words to say anything, they couldn't come out, I paused for a long time on the "Ka" sound. Luckily, she saw me and immediately ran to my aid. 

Stuttering affects my everyday life and  I have  learnt to suppress it, like taking poses or basically racing against it. I speak very fast often when I feel it coming or I speak slower to overpass it. Other times, I decide not to say anything at all, I get tired of trying. I have noticed that it becomes overwhelming when I feel intense emotions or when I am nervous, which is the worst timing. It's like my mind is moving faster than my tongue. 

I also feel the urge to express myself using non-verbal communication, in my tastes such as; what I choose to wear, my music and art.

Many times, I tried to get rid of it. I had anger issues and I would suppress my emotions too as a result. I started doing a bit of research and tried different stuttering exercises. Although the results showed that they would be more effective on children in early stages of stuttering; I learnt that when I am calm it reduces and meditating along with practicing before a presentation really helps.

Moving on, I still have my downs but I have accepted my speech impediment as a part of who I am. A character trait that  is part of me. I have learnt that it doesn't make me weaker but stronger, I command it not  and not the way round.

                                                                                                             

 I felt the need to share my story because I do not think that  there is enough awareness towards speech impediment in our culture (Rwanda) and generation  as a whole; portraying how speech impediment affects our daily lives in different aspects. I know many people go through the same and  more severe cases too. I would like to encourage you to share your story.

Feel free to reach out and share it with me if you have any speech impediments be it; stuttering, stammering, lisp, hesitancy or faltering. People around us need to learn and be informed about it.

I highly recommend watching the kings speech to see speech impediment from a point of view perspective. 

king speech scene

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Let's collaborate sometime! email me at cyuzuzo.maureen@yahoo.com

Mugumane Amahoro....

Sincerely, 

Cyuzuzo Maureen.